Saturday, August 21, 2010

"The time has come," the Walrus said...

" talk of many things..." - Lewis Carroll

The time has come for many things in the last few months.

- The time to finish my undergraduate senior thesis
- The time to graduate
- The time to no longer at the library where I have been for the past six years
- The time to move into an apartment away from my family
- The time to start graduate school
- The time for friends to get married and start families

It all has come and gone so quickly. I don't feel ready to start graduate school. I feel like a little kid on her first day of 1st grade all over again. I don't feel like an adult. I certainly don't think I act like an adult. I try, but I feel as though I am just playing a role, and I'm not mature enough to be at the age I am & doing the things I am supposed to be doing.

This last summer at my library job was a lot of work, but was also very rewarding. I built closer relationships with the children and teen librarians and was made to have more confidence in myself and my library abilities. I will be forever grateful to the children's librarian that I have had the pleasure of working with for the past two summers, because she has pushed me to do things that were outside of my comfort zone. I didn't think I was ready to be hosting programs on my own, and she made sure I did it anyway, to show me that I was indeed able to do it. She has helped me to gain the knowledge that I do know what I am doing and I can do it well.

I was given more freedom in program planning. I hosted 2 craft nights and assisted with story time, where the children fell in love with a dance I taught them and insisted that we do it every week. We made modifications so that it fit better with some of our themes, including adaptations for our pirate story time. Our summer reading program has gained in popularity in the last two years, so much so that this summer we had to make several additions to our program schedule to accommodate them all. We added a third (!) story time, a second magic show, a second Zakland show, as well as multiple other additions. All in all, for how small our library community is, we had over 800 participants. This is amazing. I'm sad that I will be missing out on all of the excitement next year.

I'll miss seeing the children every day, miss their excitement for programs, the way their eyes light up when I know what their names are and ask them lots of questions. I'll even miss doing that goofy dance every week, because the kids had so much fun.

On my last day at work, I couldn't help myself. I cried. I am going to miss my work community because we were so much like a family. I am afraid that I won't be able to find another library with such a tight-knit group of people. Many of the ladies I worked with treated me as though I was one of their own children, which was wonderful, but also mildly frustrating at times. I'll miss them.

I've moved out of my family's house and I'm on my own. All the bills now have my name on them and I am responsible for paying them. What a frightening thought! My fear currently is "where is all the money going to come from?!?" I need to find a job! I have a semi "nanny" position set up for the fall. I'll be watching a little girl after school 3 days a week. The mom has good connections, so I'm hoping she'll be able to help me in finding a job.

School starts in 2 weeks. I'm a bit afraid. I'm not quite sure what to expect. I guess all I can do is wait and see what the future has in store for me. It's sure to be an adventure!